Chris Cottom
A Concise History of Evening Class
Car Maintenance
The others nod knowingly over the instructor’s crud-free carburettors. You want to learn how to use a pair of tights as an emergency fanbelt, although first you’ll need a car. And a girlfriend.
Jive
The Oxford Rock ’n’ Roll Society meets off Cornmarket and you Rock Around The Clock with Rosemary; but only until nine-thirty because she has a boyfriend, a third-year physicist. She waves from his 1966 2CV as you wait for your bus on the Botley Road in the rain.
Financial Accounting
The tutor has just finished his fourth degree. ‘My wife will kill me if I do another,’ he says. You dream of switching to journalism: ‘Serial student slain in balance sheet bloodbath.’
Sociology of Popular Music
There are only two others, including the teacher, so they offer you Easy Cookery instead. Naturally you decline, but reconsider on the way home when the chippy is shut.
Computer Studies with COBOL Programming
The class fits nicely before your night shift, but you’re late for the first after being defeated by the settings on your alarm clock.
Russian
After the first lesson you go round to see Orla. She’s promised borsch, blinis and Smirnoff. ‘Da svidania!’ you greet her proudly, because she read Russian at Durham. ‘Try again,’ she says. ‘That means goodbye.’
NCT Antenatal
On the floor, the expectant dads squirm when the leader, Ann, says giving birth is like shitting a grapefruit. Orla squeezes your hand like it’s a blood orange.
Juggling
‘I learnt three new tricks tonight,’ says Toby, your eight-year-old, catching a ball on his neck while you pack up the kit. It’s taken you three months to master a basic cascade.
Fit by Forty
Stan could have done well in Hollywood as the bloke with the whip on the Roman galleys. ‘Drop and give me ten!’ he shouts. You obey like a dog, put your back out, and miss the rest of term.
Tantric Sex for Over Fifties
You ping Orla the link and she responds immediately. ‘Nice try, but I’ve got Advanced Textiles on Tuesdays.’ You ask the college about spare partners but don’t get a callback.
Beginners’ Ballroom
Orla’s on an extended Saharan sojourn ‘exploring her wild side’, so you cha cha with Natasha. It’s the only time in the week anyone touches you.
History
Your engine overheats on the way to Oxford, on the Botley Road. ‘Might be the fanbelt,’ you say, and Natasha explains they’re not usually called fanbelts nowadays. ‘I was a mechanic in the Army,’ she says, shuffling in her seat. ‘Were you going to ask for my tights?’
Chris Cottom
Chris Cottom lives near Macclesfield, UK. His stories have been published by Cosmic Daffodil, Cranked Anvil, Ellipsis Zine, Flash 500, Free Flash Fiction, Heimat Review, Hysteria, Leicester Writes, LoveReading, NFFD UK, NFFD NZ, On The Premises, One Wild Ride, Oxford Flash Fiction, Retreat West, Shooter Flash, The Centifictionist, The Hooghly Review, The Phare, The Storms, Witcraft, and others.